What’s with this video? It really isn’t much of a porn, act.. (OnlyFans)

What’s with this video?  It really isn’t much of a porn, actually.  It’s a recreation of a girlfriend I once had.  @Deauxma humored me and made this with me.  My old girlfriend.  She was much older than me, well off, divorced, and wanted me to move in with her.  I didn’t.  I was totally into her but sexually only, and she was amazing at eating me out.  She was also into bondage.  Not tying me up, only her.  We did it all the time.  To the point I had to finally tell her I wanted to do other things besides tie her up, smack her around a little and then eat each other out afterwards.  I was a new lesbian, so to speak.  I wanted to do gay lesbian things.  Not just bondage.  Now that I don’t have anyone to do these things with, I miss them very much.  Funny how that works.  I do not know where she is right now.  Hopefully she is well.  She taught me a lot about the lesbian lifestyle, so to speak.  I just never had the same feelings for her as she did for me, and I didn’t think that was likely back then.  I thought I was just into girls for the sexual excitement.  Then I fell for a couple chicks hard who didn’t return the favor so I know where she is coming from now.  The difference between her and me is that I can fall for a guy just as quick as I can for a girl.  She was a serious penis hater.  I think my issue is I fall in love with the physical person and apply my own emotional image which is almost always wrong.  A perfect cock can make me think I want to spend the rest of my life with its owner.  A beautiful face on a girl has the same effect.  I am way to visual/physical but since we don’t get to decide how we are wired, we go with it.  So I will continue to search out that immaculate cock and perfect pussy and change my mind a thousand times along the way.

I went out last night, and I really wanted to find a younger dude and own that bastard.  No luck.  Why you ask?  I have this annoying image of me getting fucked in my kitchen by someone in their 20s and making me beg for more.  I think I got this whole thing going in my head when I was watching a porn with Ava Adams in it and she was getting fucked up against a washing machine by this dude who was obviously barely legal to make it.  But his dick was so big and hard and perfect… I just want to touch it and worship it, feel his sperm splash my insides.  The mental game is strong in this scenario.  Me being totally owned and controlled by a 20 yr old with a magical dick is mind blowing for me right now.  It’s annoying, really.  I keep rubbing one out thinking about it.  I have this image of him asking me if I want to make him cum.  He makes me beg to let me get his jizz out of his testicles.  Thing is, I really want to be so infatuated with a 20 yr old cock that I beg him to let me have the privilege of draining his nuts.  That fucking turns me on.  I just want him to stand there and let me do everything I can to his cock until it gives me its sperm.  That’s it.  Then I want him to tell me to masturbate in front of him on the floor and believe me I would.  If that happened it would seriously take about 20 seconds and I would gush my own jizz all over the floor.  Just the thought of how brain destroying strong that cum would be is making me nervous.  I need this kind of dick in my life.  I really do.  So, off to find myself a 20 yr old stud to make me beg for the privilege of kissing the head of his dick.  Wish me luck! 

I will tell you about my Thursday and the ass fucking in my next post.  I have to make sure I don’t burn down to many relationships all at once, if you know what I mean!