so I follow this spiritual advisor on twitter right? (https:.. (OnlyFans)

so I follow this spiritual advisor on twitter right? (https://twitter.com/melanatedmomma)And sometimes their tweets are super spooky. Whenever im feeling low, I go through their page until something resonates with me. It’s really healing. 

This is one that they wrote on the 19th. 

“I feel you holding back on your personal life but going full force with your work and money making. it seems the external work you do is a strong source of stability and escape for you. i see you need to focus on putting energy towards the personal feels


don’t be afraid to feel it. i see you have a lot to unpack but you don’t know where to start or it may just not be the time. either that or you’re already feeling it. you just need to put things into words, to speak up, to talk, converse and engage. you need someone+


that can hear you, understand and see you. you need a space where you can just feel. i know you don’t want to go too deep. i see if you sit down with yourself for 2 seconds, you might crumble into yourself. i don’t need to press you about this because you already know. BUT


on a practical level, you’re working hard regardless. i see if you can put your energy into creating, expanding your knowledge and learning.. you can really take all the energy you have and transmute it into a beautiful new project or opportunity.


you’ve got some truths and conversations coming tho. remain honest with yourself. you know what you desire and what you need. keep your head up. you deserve to be understood and seen. i see all of your efforts and you are doing amazing.” 

Every single word resonated with me. 

Especially the part about being understood and seen. 

I’ve always used my job as a means for stability like most of us im sure. But during this pandemic…it’s about the only thing I have right now. which is fine! I love love love my job but I use it to keep myself from “personal feels.”  I have so much to explore, but instead, I'm working or researching how to not die from autoimmunity lmao 

Things that I want to spend more time on: 

I want to learn more about myself, what pleasure really means to me, and what gets me excited. Porn is a touchy subject for me ever since GDP. I haven’t been able to touch much of it. The only thing I have is my imagination and I would like to use something aside from that from time to time. 

I want to learn more about the sex positive feminist movement. I want to stand by what I do, tall and strong. I know deep down in my heart that what I do is for the better good, but I want to understand it more than just a feeling. I have never explored this side of me aside from exploring connections with you guys and other women in the industry. I wanna go deeper. I wanna talk with more women about it. I want to know the history. I want to take in opposing viewpoints and fire back with meaning. I want to broaden my opinions, be challenged, and deepen my connection to why I do what I do. My purpose for being here. My purpose for knowing you .

I want to learn more about disease and how to stay clear of it. 
I want to learn more about investing. The entire world is so intimidating, but I want to learn. 
I want to learn film. Medium format. I want to learn it all! 
I want to learn how to physically grow through lifting. I want to figure out how to push my body without throwing it into autoimmune mode. I want to find that line and I want to conquer it. 
I want to find the perfect diet for us in 2020.
I want to learn more about my city and the history behind it. 
I want to learn more about the music I listen to and the history behind it. There is SO much history behind house music that I just have no idea about! I want to understand it better. 

I’m so passionate about so many things but what is all that passion if I’m not actively submerging myself in them? 

What are some things you really want to do but can’t seem to find the time?