Sometimes, when I am alone, realisation kicks in. I look at .. (OnlyFans)

Sometimes, when I am alone, realisation kicks in.
I look at myself, at my completly hairless body with pink nails and a chastity cage on and I think ''WTF have I done??!!!'' 
It's like the little bit of boy that is left in me that comes out and tries to take over.
But he doesn't stand a chance. 
Because those moments only last 10 seconds.
They don't happen very often either.
They also happen at really crucial points during my sissyfication.
When i first had a cock inside my mouth. The moment it entered. For 10 seconds I sat there staring out in front of me, realizing there is a cock in my hole. ''Me, JENS, sucking cock. A real dick. Inside my hole. What the hell am I doing, stop it???''
This also happened when I got fucked for the first time.
Laying on the sofa with my legs up in the air was easy. 
But once he entered my body.
I again started to realize what I am doing.
''OMG, there actually is a dick inside me. WTF!! It's going deeper and deeper, what am I doing?? How could I let this go so far??''

But those toughts dissapear after 10 seconds.
They used to last long. (That's why sissies purge) 
But these toughts become shorter and shorter and shorter during your sissyfication training.
For me, when they do happen, they dissapear in 10 seconds, and they are even turning me on. 

When I decided to upload this picture, I had one of those toughts.
''Look at you! How are you sharing THAT with everyone!!''
10 seconds later, i'm already looking at dick pics and cum tributes again.

But it does not matter, once you have ''the sissy curse'' the boy inside you will dissapear and fighting back is useless. The only way to be truely happy is to realize that you are a sissy and to accept yourself.

Or is that my 100's of hours of hipno speaking?