" I'm not really even trying to gain right now. Just going w.. (OnlyFans)

" I'm not really even trying to gain right now. Just going with the flow" is what I've be telling others, and myself for a long time now.  

Well, apparently, someone forgot to tell that to the numbers on my scale that keep climbing higher and higher every week. No one told the clothes in my wardrobe that cling a little tighter to my swelling body every day. 

I find myself feeling surprised when the scale tells me I'm 20 pounds heavier than just a couple months ago. I tell myself that can't be accurate, but then I reflect on those weekly weigh ins I've doing. It turns out, a couple pounds a week, sometimes even up to 5, really add up. Each week, I suddenly find myself at my heaviest weight yet.
I don't think much of it each week, what's another pound or two? But after a few months of that I noticed an increase in comments about my body. Family members asking if I've put on more weight. Offers to pay for a gym membership. More looks of shock and concerns directed and my midsection. 
Despite my noticable expansion, I'm really not trying to fatten up. When I pull up to a fast food drive thru for the second or third time of the day, I'm not deliberately being greedy. It's just what I'm craving. And I know if I don't give into my craving, I'll be thinking about it until I do.

So here I am, fatter than ever. My stuffed belly heavy in my shrinking lap. An empty pizza box, and cheesy bread box beside me. I wasn't trying to stuff myself but here I am. Rubbing the new stretch marks covering the gut that's pinning me down. Getting up would take tremendous effort, so I'll just sit here and think about what I'm going to eat next 
I'm not trying to get fatter. I've just completely transformed into a mindless pig with no self control. My cravings control me more with every pound I add to my plump frame. It's muscle memory for me to pull into the McDonald's drive thru everyday, I don't even think about it.
I'm too far gone to change. I will continue indulging every craving I have as I get lazier
and fatter by the day.