Hi! This is going to be a bit of a long-winded post, so I wo.. (OnlyFans)

Hi! This is going to be a bit of a long-winded post, so I won't be offended if you don't read it all. I hope you at least enjoy this set <3 All the pictures will be in your DMs tonight, so you can hold onto them for a rainy day :)
 
 TLDR: I've been a sad girl but I am managing symptoms, regular posting shall comence -
 
 I want to start by addressing the elephant in the room: the lack of content from me over the past month. Over my years on OF, I’ve always been somewhat of a perfectionist, wanting to ensure everyone has a fun experience here. Whether it's through livestreams, DMs, exploring my sexual side, or showering you all with regular sexy content, I’ve tried my best. However, recently, I've noticed that my content production has been inconsistent, and it’s heavily tied to my mental health. I go from being very active and engaged sexually to having no interest at all. 
 
 I've struggled over the years opening up about this sort of thing as my extreme lows only seem to last for so long & then I am fine again (well sort of). I feel better, but the damage during my lows lasts. I've struggled to initiate conversations with people I've avoided and have to work double time to make up for areas of my life where I've slacked off. Talking about my "depression" has made me feel like I am crying wolf. I've felt like there are so many people out there that have it so much worse and for the longest time I couldn't compute what was actually causing my issues. I feel lucky for the experiences I have had and the opportunities available to me, so how come I can feel so much despair & so helpless at times? For a while I struggled with the idea of therapy, thinking that talking about childhood traumas could help but also make things worse by constantly bringing to light experiences that I naturally try to suppress. I've tried opening-up here a few times about random things to sort of relieve my burden as this has generally felt like a safe place, but I have found myself feeling guilty when I can't reciprocate people's advice or kind words. It's helpful to feel like people understand you, but for some reason, I struggle with opening up or taking advice. I easily take things people say or do that may be to help me as personal attacks. Unfortunately through the years, I've found myself becoming extremely avoidant. I don't mean to, but I feel drained trying to socialize. I feel like I annoy people and over-think the things I say. I hate the paranoia but for so long it's been so hard to shake. 
 
 One day, I was in the shower and I was riding my emotional rollercoaster. After an anxiety attack filled with lots of lovely dark thoughts, I remembered that everything was fine & I generally liked my life. I also had the realization that my "time of the month" was coming up. All of a sudden everything clicked for me, my random lows seemed to happen every month and last for almost two weeks. I would go from extremely low energy, irritability, cramping, mood swings, extreme depression, social anxiety, headaches, and paranoia - to being completely fine; full of energy, and generally pretty happy. So I started researching my symptoms specifying they were during certain times of the month & discovered something called PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). As soon as I read the symptoms for PMDD it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I was suffering from every single symptom and learned this isn't normal, something that won't go away, but also something that can be managed. 
 
 I met with a Doctor and we intend on trying to manage my symptoms. Aside from lifestyle changes such as regular stretching, increased exercise, vitamins, a better sleep schedule, eating regularly through the day, and including more protein in my diet; I will also be experimenting with medications to help regulate my hormones and possibly serotonin reuptake inhibitors in the weeks leading up to my time of the month if needed. For me, it has been a huge relief to sort of understand why I feel the way I feel and knowing there are things I can do that will improve my mood until my body naturally does it for me. 
 
 During the years on the road, I was never able to correlate my lows or highs to my time of the month as things were always so hectic. I never had a schedule and often times blamed how I was feeling on some shitty struggle I was facing at the time or with the place I was staying. Moving campgrounds always gave me hope that my circumstances would change and so would my mentality. The constant go, go, go and searching for little bumps of serotonin made it hard to pinpoint the actual problem.
 
 In conclusion, I would really like to start posting here again because it brings me a lot of pleasure. Interacting with you guys is genuinely the highlight of my day sometimes. I've wanted to post the past few days but have felt anxious due to my own stupid little issues. However, I would like for there to be no awkwardness from here on out but I understand if I make it hard... (tehe <-- see what I did? :) Plz accept my apology for being ass while sorting my shit and allow me to do my best at making things up to you. I cannot even begin to express the gratitude I have towards those of you who support me through my ups & downs <3 Lastly, if you feel inclined to leave a comment, etc. I really do appreciate it & need to focus on opening up little by little again but you'll definitely have to go easy on me. I used to have to remind myself that people didn't need to know everything about me but over the years I have repeatedly shut down to the point I feel like I don't even know where to begin when it comes to opening up. Go easy & don't give up on me, I like to think I'm worth it when I show up.