*****This winter, give your wife the kind of smooch once res.. (OnlyFans)

*****This winter, give your wife the kind of smooch once reserved for your mistress—here’s how!*****
1) Supplies needed: 
   • Regular ass sugar from the cupboard. NOT powdered or confectionery and def NOT that raw bullshit. It’s white, looks like sand, you shouldn’t snort it. 
    • Thick lip balm such as Vaseline, Carmex, Kopari, 19 coats of cherry chapstick etc. 
    • Biotene spray, gel, or other dry mouth rinse

Get your supplies and head to the bathroom cos here we go! 

2) Wash your face with something other than the same soap you use to wash your balls. Mostly make sure there’s no hint of the mustache ride you gave me this morning. 
3) Shave your face, tend to any nicks etc, close up those pores with alcohol. 
4) Floss and brush your teeth duhhh please I feel weird I have to say this. After that use the Biotene or other dry mouth rinse. Minty flavor pref 🦷🪥
5) FINALLY scoop that lip balm and lay it on THICK, with some sugar in your hand give your palm a duck-face smooch. Your lips should be coated in sugar. 
6) Pull your lips over your teeth, move your jaw around in all directions, pressing your lips together all the while. It’s OK to lick it off but I recommend using a warm washcloth to dab it off. Repeat about 3 times but not too much. 
7) Now go do all the chores and hire a babysitter. Open a bottle of wine and pop a couple of viagra. Don’t forget to check in with wifey. Make her feel secure in your relationship, valued as a human, and desired as a sexual being. How’s this for a mindfuck: that’s a married woman right there. Now suck her face like you’re having an affair with her. Congrats! Good married ppl times 😇🥳

Disclaimer: I’m single and have no idea what I’m talking about but I guarantee I get more dick than your wife so that’s gotta count for something.