Dahlias Mystery Movie Review: * Name: Valentine * Release .. (OnlyFans)

Dahlias Mystery Movie Review:

* Name: Valentine

* Release Date: 2001

* Notable Actors: 
    * Katherine Heigel (Kn*cked Up, Roswell, Greys Anatomy)
    * Denise Richards (Wild Things, Love Actually)
    * David Boreanez (Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Bones)

* Streaming Site: Amazon Prime (Yeah, I bought this shit on a whim)

* Online Rating: 4 on Amazon & 4.8 on IMDB

* Summary: Four friends start to receive morbid Valentine's Day cards. Someone out there is stalking them ... someone they all spurned when they were younger.

* 1st Impression: This has a pretty high rating on Amazon / IMDB considering it’s in the horror genre and from the early 2000’s… which I think we can all agree was NOT the gold*n age of film. I am excited though because I love David Boreanez & his mask makes me think of “Happy Death Day” which is a great movie and you should watch if you haven’t.

* Best / Worst Character:  
    * Denise Richards wins for best. She literally EYE FUCKS everyone in this movie into submission the whole time. She just walks around eye fucking people and being mean to all the men. She even poors wax all over some douchebags dick for showing it to her without consent. Love it.
    * David Boreanez is the worst but ONLY because whoever did his wardrobe was RUDE. He wears the most awkward dad shirts and poorly fitted everything. I don’t even get it. It’s like specifically just him who dresses like shit. 

* My Thoughts: I don’t get it, he’s loved you since 6th grade, so to win your heart he got hot as fuck & became super successful… then killed your super shitty friends as well as that creepy dude who sexually harassed you on a regular basis… to make your life BETTER… he kind of sounds like the perfect man. But we’re dealing with a universe where the director kills his biggest star in 5 minutes & we’re supposed to believe there’s a world where David Boreanez was ever NOT hot? Also, this may be the ONLY horror movie I’ve ever seen that features a raging alcoholic serial killer who plans elaborate murders. In conclusion, I completely side with the murderer in this movie #dontbeabully #dontfalsleyaccusepeople #meangirls #killreginageorge

* Biggest WTF Moment: There’s this scene involving a cop being extremely sexually forward with Denise Richards and it’s not overly graphic but just CRINGEY AS FUCKKKK.

* Do I recommend? Yeah, do it, fuck Valentines Day, we’re all gonna die alone anyways. Rating: 7 out of 10.