I am going through the craziest shit right now and I don’t u.. (OnlyFans)

I am going through the craziest shit right now and I don’t understand why he’s doing this when it would only benefit us both if he would just help out or bring me peace. I can’t even breathe. I can’t even focus or relax. I want to focus on work but he’s making it completely impossible. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. 

He called me anti-semxtic for protesting against gxnocide last night along with calling me a heartless sociopath that only cares about myself.
(There are lots of wonderful Jews also protesting against gxnocide. ) I definitely don’t even care enough about myself and should. It’s like he has no interest in knowing or accepting me and idk what tf is going on. I care too much about other people’s welfare and he’s saying I don’t. 
…

He says he cares more than I do. 

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and that I’m just this parrot that wants to be popular (as if this is the easiest most popular thing for me to do???) , that I’m just regurgitating false information about Gaza from influencers who are liars  (bro, wtf) (this is literally the unsexiest most unprofitable, unpopular, unorthodox, most unprofessional and most caring thing I could possibly do as a sex worker. I’m sharing and boosting actual people from Gaza and credible journalism sources. I don’t know how you could say something like this to me.  I share and comment on articles and I have a fundraiser for the refugees on my IG and he’s calling me a heartless sociopath. ) I’m the ceo of a refugee journalism site and I’m somehow useless and heartless???

He keeps saying that I don’t actually care about people…. When I seriously feel like I am doing the absolute most that I can while he’s busy on all these dating sites and antagonizing me and all of his other exes. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The constant gas lighting and villainizing me when I ask for help is just astronomical. For no one’s benefit. He is never my peace, I can’t rely on him and he won’t do anything to help me make A team money even though I’ve helped him countless times. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with him but he chooses to put the worst stuff in my ear and I just don’t want anything to do with him anymore. 

I also put on a chxldren’s Christmas movie on last night called Scrooge and there was a 20-30 second scene where there was a black guy playing one of the poor people and he got SO UPSET at seeing A CARTOON BLXCK PERSON. He accused me of putting on a rxcist movie just to make him feel bad.??????????? (Can my white friends watch this same movie and let me know if it’s reasonable to get this upset over watching #Scrooge on #netflix ? I’m serious.) putting on Scrooge= I hxte whxte people????  What????????? I love white people. 

 He went on a tirade on how hard it is to be a Whxte man (omfg 🙄)  and I just got so fucking sick and tired of his shit. He said That all I want to do is make whxte people feel bad and that’s why I put on Scrooge. I told him it’s not a good look and that no one’s going to cry for him complaining about how hard it is to be a whxte man. He keeps getting let go at jobs and he wants to blame it on him being whxte. It’s Fcking ridiculous. 

He then said I secretly hxte white people and I was just flabbergasted at his gaslighting. Because I had cartoon SCROOGE on Netflix.  It’s a fuckkng kidz CARTOON movie. There are poor blxck and whxte people all over the world. He said all I ever want to do is make whxte people the villains and make them feel bad. ITS SCROOGE. It’s a classic Christmas movie. He was mean to ALL PEOPLE DESPITE THEIR SKIN COLOR. There are poor people of ALL SKIN COLORS. He’s spending so much time doing everything but making my life easier and I can’t for the life of me understand why. I feel like I can’t even breathe. He’s holding my content hostage from OCTOBER and says I have shit content even though he’s the one who won’t make me feel pretty and won’t take any photos of me. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with him or what is going on but I’m just so scared of even letting him have one more minute of me. 

He’s saying I hxte whxte people because I put Netflix’s cartoon movie Scrooge on tv. How do you get that from Christmas movie Scrooge????? How can you say that to someone you supposably care about? How am I the bad guy rxcist for trying to watch a Christmas cartoon movie??? I’m so Fcking lost and feel so helpless. It’s like this almost every day. I’m being evil and rxcist for watching Scrooge????  What??????????? 

I had to let all that out. He keeps ignoring my needs but expects me to still be here for him. I’ve given him enough and he’d rather lose me than help me and im ready to accept that. 

I’m mellowing out. Someone gave me a $100 tip today so I am okay and I will be fine. 

He gets angry at me for sharing but he won’t stop abxsing me in private and I don’t want to protect, help or love him anymore. I would have given him a family, a house, the whole world but he won’t even take me on a movie date or let me watch a cartoon Christmas movie in peace. I can’t get through to him. I don’t know what to do. 

You’re the one that made sure this relationship failed and I hope you find someone you will actually love one day.

Just thinking about you makes me sick. Wtf are you doing, dude.

I know it’s not normal or sexy to share so much of my life and yea here but I just feel so desperate to be seen and comforted right now. He won’t listen to me at all and I don’t even know what to do except cut him off. I feel like I owe it to some of you to show what I’m going through and if I ever let someone take me out on a date, i wanted to show you how NOT to talk to me. I’m sorry for those who aren’t used to people being so personal here but I really needed to express myself and what’s really going on in my life.

I wish I could love the hate out of people who have been taking in red pill cry baby borderline hateful content from the internet. But they don’t see me. They won’t listen to me. It just makes me more and more radical. 

I just want a world where everyone is loving. It’s hard on me that I can’t even make a difference with 1 person in my own home.