He told me to stop talking Schitt about him and that he’d he.. (OnlyFans)

He told me to stop talking Schitt about him and that he’d help me with everything I’ve got going on if I stopped. I said fuckk you it’s been 3+ years, that I’m talking schitt because he hasn’t stepped up or helped me with my needs. We argued more. He screamed that I cheated on him. I screamed back at him how was I cheating if he doesnt even take me out on dates, we never established we were together and he won’t tell me I’m pretty. He’s never gotten me an anniversary gift or a Christmas gift, won’t take me on a real date while I provide him with everything he needs. Im just ????????????????????  I hate these canon events. I can’t focus. 

He said I was lazy, blah blah blah and tried to shame me for masturbating when he can’t get a hard on but watches porn constantly and can only get a hard on when he sees super explicit content. Then masturbates tons when he watched hard core content. He told me to stop talking schitt before passing out on my bed. 

What the fuck is actually going on 

I feel so stupid. 

Sometimes, I roleplay as goddess not because I have an ego because I clearly don’t, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this situationship. I roleplay goddess, king, queen, mommy or goddess cuz it lets me feel good and bigger than I really am in real life. 

I’m close to my breakthrough. I don’t care anymore that he has poor people Brain. We love hate each other and I need to be surrounded by people who just love me and want me to be successful. He resents me for being able to bring in money for this job and I resent him cuz I see couples online having fun and their male partners are their biggest fans and love playing Instagram husband. These are supposed to be the sexiest years of my life. 

 I don’t understand why he’d rather watch me burn to the ground and become so broke and depressed I can’t help pay for his meals anymore. I know I got myself into this mess and I wish I were less human and could get in front of my emotions. 

I’m gonna delete and edit photos. I have so much to do. I wish he didn’t take my laptop. I wish I could ask him for help instead of just fighting constantly to get even further. This shall pass. It has to. I want to catch up to the entrepreneurial people making 30-80k a month and I know I’ll never make A Team money if I keep this deadweight in my life. It doesn’t matter if I love him. I don’t think he really loves me. I need to make the money to make a difference in the world.  I have to get out of this for more than me.