To be completely honest, I just want 1 week of peace without.. (OnlyFans)

To be completely honest, I just want 1 week of peace without any new not positive information coming into my mind. I need to release all the ??? I’ve accumulated in my mind. I feel a little frozen in my brain sometimes. Idk if any other people get that sometimes. 

There’s so many things I need to do to get back to where I used to be, but I can’t seem to get there with all that’s on my mind/ real life. I’ve got a bunch of people and countries I’m trying to look out for to the point where I’m not even taking care of myself properly and can’t get myself to make proper content. 

 Is it time to isolate again? Should I socialize in real life more? I wish there was a quick and easy solution to get me back to where I used to be. Must I choose between real life and the worlds I built here on the rectangular piece of tech and light that I stare at for 12-17 hours a day? 

  If I stayed isolated I would have never lost myself and made the simple mistakes that made me lose all my social media. It was all my fault and I wonder if I should have just never reached out and gotten attached. I’m trying to move on from the things that don’t serve me cuz I know that’s what’s best for me. I know I need to surround myself with only high quality people and situations that take care of me. I can’t carry everything. I tried. I’m slipping from the top 1% and I wish there were more of me. Or that there were more hours in a day?  

Is that weird? Sometimes, it’s 1 voice,  1 sentence, 1 incident, 1 perspective I didn’t want to hear showing up in my world that throws me off Idk how to explain what my mind is like from reading so many of these messages for so many years. 

I think I’m a normal, every day boring girl and then my world gets tilted when someone who thinks they should see my boobs for free opens their mouth and says something not conducive to my brain. I can’t erase what they say to me and it sticks with me even though I’m already gone from their minds after they say it to me to get off. 

Anyways, I’m shutting down and doing my best to focus on work and the things I can control. I appreciate the people who have been trying to help me and I have to figure some things out.  I need smart, positive people who I can trust to talk to without saying any dumb things or statements that remind me that all they see is a porn star and not a girl nurturing her inner ch!ld trying her hardest. (I’m feeling Feminine as of late, so I’m using her pronouns.) 

Anyways, I just needed to talk out loud for a minute. As always, I’m not much of a talker in real life so thanks for accepting me as so and being here for me as I sort my mind out. I love you and I appreciate you. Hope you are all staying strong in your worlds (physically and mentally). I am cheering for you in your endeavors and I am always in your corner.  

Thank u 4 coming to my sexy Ted talk