It’s 4:20 and i just spent the past 40 minutes journaling. I.. (OnlyFans)

It’s 4:20 and i just spent the past 40 minutes journaling. I know I’m quite cute, boring, quiet and sweet in real life and idk if it’s okay for me to think about the stuff that I do. Writing my thoughts, ideas and feelings has helped me immensely And brought me a lot of peace. I highly recommend it to help process stuff in the heart and mind. I thought about sharing my journaling and thoughts. It’s like 3 pages of me rambling big ideas to myself. I wonder if the hoes could handle it. Cuz I would feel better about sharing it in case I pass and no one in real life ever gets to see my poetry or writing. Should I do it now or just hope someone Anne franks me or asks Alice me eternities from now?

- Edgar Allen Hoe 
🌸🌸🌸

I’ve just started Netflix Umbrella Academy episode season 1 episode 1. As I watch more content to entertain or teach me lessons I already know. To distract me from the chaos And truth I carry in my good and precious mind, soul and heart… I wonder where I should go from here. Do I continue the easy life of simply using my image or should i reach farther and chase all my various dreams? 

Am I okay with failing, being patient and working harder to be more than mere entertainment and a pretty image on the phone screen? and can I risk showing/sharing myself without losing my source of income? There’s a lot of thoughts, love and complexities in the mind and heart of this angsty, caring 5 foot Asian American girl. This 5 foot Asian chibi goddess that deceptively looks like a mini super model has so much to say and no one to say it to. 😅

Can I risk losing followers who only want to stop by to merely use my image on onlyfans to entertain themselves a few minutes out of their day? The bank account says no but the heart screams, “YES, BITCH, GO ALREADY.” Can I and dare I exist harder on the only platform i haven’t been disappeared from?

Can they not only handle me but love me and those who look like me the way we need to be loved and elevated? I am not fair skinned, blonde haired or blue eyed, but i matter just as much. As do my brothers and sisters in the other corners of the world who are facing more duress than I could ever possibly imagine. 

Why am I like this and how do I get out of this mental puddle of darkness along with the phone and internet addiction? 😅 No one is offering me a penny for my thoughts, when I know they’re worth billions. Is it finally time to let go and release myself despite being unnoticed by the supposed good side for the sake of those who need me to talk more than I do? 

- Cindy Moon