How do I know I'm a perv? I had to call a plumber, and I hav.. (OnlyFans)

How do I know I'm a perv? I had to call a plumber, and I have been thinking of all the shit I can say when he gets here. My front runner is, "I see you have come to see about my blockage... I hope you brought a big plunger." Did you ever notice that porn gives people an unrealistic view of what a plumber's life is actually like? Look. I am not going to lie. If the plumber shows up and he looks like he should be breeding me... I'll do my best to empty his sperm in my guts. What are the odds that he will be hot and actually wants to try and knock me up? Slim. Plus, the longer he makes me wait, the uglier he gets. I'm just saying. Still, I find myself touching my clit and thinking about it. So while I was waiting, I put on my super sexy housewife outfit and did my classic house mom's hair. Will I wear the costume? Probably not. If he turns out to be a stud, I could always change, though!

I just had a guy complain to me about being ripped off by a girl, and reluctantly, I looked her up. It was one of those "stares at you blankly as I wondered what was going through your head" moments. Her tagline, which is aggressively in your face, is "Your dick won't impress me, but your bank account will. Send me money paypig!" Followed by #paypig #paymeshrimpdick #findomdrain, which is followed by a building and stack of money emoji, which I guess is supposed to be a bank. So,  what the fuck exactly did you think you were getting into? I'm not too fond of these things, but I can't even fault her. She clearly states that she fully intends to part you from your money. Will you get what you pay for? After looking at her account, if you give her money and she sends you zero in return, you got what you paid for. I know. Different things turn different people on. I never did get the "I get a hardon by giving some chick all my money." kink. But then again, I want to turn some dude into a giant wiggling penis flopping around on the floor. So... who am I to judge? But, let's be reasonable here if you give money to someone who calls you their paypig... she may not feel required to send you thank you videos. Yes. I send thank you videos. But because I want to, not because I'm required to. I feel like I should return the favor. The chick that uses the #paymeshrimpdick tag may not feel the same way... I'm just saying.