Post 1 of 2 : I know I have been a little quiet today, but .. (OnlyFans)

Post 1 of 2 :  I know I have been a little quiet today, but I just can’t catch a break here.  I had people show up unannounced, a birthday party to get through, and a dog that got itself into a mood.  Let’s just say Amazon is not a fan of coming to my house.  Let’s also accept it as a fact that my dogs are not fans of Amazon coming to my house.  Just saying.  One thing led to another and things got out of control quickly.  Nobody is bloody, and other than maybe a mild case of PTSD, all is well.

Everyone knows what I do.  When they come to my house, they know there is a chance that I might be doing something others deem inappropriate.  I’m not a renter, I own it, I can do what I want inside its confides.  Again, they all know this.  So when I answer the door in a robe it should be common knowledge you are interrupting coitus of some fashion or another.  Don’t stand there and talk to me about how much the house two doors down is up for sale.  I don’t give a shit.  Actually, I do, morons from up North will pay anything for a shack and think they got a good deal.  Tax values go up and I have to pay more because they think their 150K shack is worth 350K.  I digress.  Two neighbors both came over while I was trying to make some spank bank material and wouldn’t fucking leave.  Till I told them to leave.  I hate having to do that, but I’m working here.  By the time I finished with the both of them, it was time to get shit ready for the birthday party.  I don’t mind setting up birthday parties for people.  It makes me feel good knowing they enjoy themselves.  They can be time-consuming, though.  Look, what I’m saying here is its hard to be the neighborhood ho and hostess at the same time.  Anyway, where was I?  Who knows.

One time I bought a new dildo.  I do that from time to time.  This was back when you went to the store to buy dildos.  I used it on myself on the way home.  I couldn’t wait.  I put it in the back seat and somehow forgot it was there.  I took my car in to have the transmission looked at as it was new and was making a noise.  I forgot all about the massive dildo.  When I picked up my car, it was sitting on the front seat in a zip-lock bag.  I was wondering why all the mechanics stopped and stared at me when I got to the Nissan dealership.  Shit happens.  Never leave your dildos on the kitchen table and forget about them.  It makes your neighbors very uncomfortable when you invite them in and have to put them away.  Remember, I was the one who told you that.  It’s helpful information to have.

I sent a text to a guy this morning and asked him if he wanted to come over and watch porn on my flat screen mirror.  He didn’t get it.  Hell, you may not get it.  Am I the only one who gets it?  He did come over and left a lump of sperm in my guts, which I filmed for you.  I was able to film it because it was so lumpy and sticky it took for fucking ever to get it to drip out.  If I didn’t want you to see it, I would have just left it inside of me and greased my way around the block a time or two.  Why aren’t you seeing it on this post?  Because I had to have him use his phone and we forgot to take it off of it so I could post it.  He’s bringing it over in the morning, so what he left up inside of me will be up on a post in the morning.

Just so you know.  When you cum inside of me, I own a piece of you.  You have no say in the matter and I’m not giving it back.  If you cum inside me too much, I will end up owning you entirely.  Just saying.  Cummer beware.