Dear Diary, Christmas was crazy, It was like a combination o.. (OnlyFans)

Dear Diary,
Christmas was crazy, It was like a combination of excitement and fear, like a rollercoaster. I’m so glad that I did it, and I think now that I’ve done it pushing it further will be easier, like I’m over the big drop and the rest is just fun ^-^ 

The last few days I’ve barely slept lmao. Everything is closed and I just want to escape the circle world that I’m in right now. I feel like the only thing that exists is my house hahaha. It’s like I’m on a trial in an online game and can’t leave the starter zone.. 

I had this huge Harry Potter theme in my house ready for New Years Eve but we’re in total lockdown now, I mean.. at-least the house looks cool 😎 I can run around pretending to be Hermione Granger, maybe that will help me escape for now heh. 

I wonder about all of you too, about what you’re doing, what you’re like and the things you’re thinking about in your life too. I wish I could see into your life like a window and talk to you super personally. I guess I should be more personal too! Maybe today I can be really personal and say that, this has been an incredible journey, but it has been super hard one too.. I think a lot of people don’t understand the difficulty of what its like to be viewed by everyone, to have people criticise and be so nasty to you - on things that are personal too. I know for every bad there is one hundred good, but it’s a feeling and experience a lot of people don’t understand. To be online, in this way, is like having a window into your life, one that is so vulnerable. In that vulnerability you have to be strong.. I guess that’s the tough part, and where the magic is, because so many of you I’ve become close to, and so many of you have been so nice. It’s a connection that has bridged so much further than I ever thought it would. 

I got roller-skates for Christmas btw! They are pink and yellow and have a real 80’s vibe, which was fricken awesome :) I remember ages ago in the summer I’d go rollerskating super late at night in the city and around the park. Once I actually thought I was so cool I made my friend drive up this hill and record me going down it, it’s safe to say I don’t think it was as cool as I thought it was because I literally slammed into the floor coming into this tunnel, and my elbow got scraped up so bad, I cried and they had it all on video hahaha. The thought in my head was I could sell this to failarmy when I was watching it but hell no I was so embarrassed.. I actually don’t think I’ve been on roller-skates since lmao.. but here is to a new year and new me, time to try again ^-^   I was going really fast though and it was kinda epic so don’t think too embarrassingly of me lol! 

I feel like there is so much stuff to do in the summer, the nights are so warm and the skies light late. As I’m writing this I’m sat in my lounge and you can hear this crazy rain and wind from my chimney, there is a big storm outside tonight. Okay this is weird but, storms actually make me feel really relaxed, does anyone else feel that? I feel like the wind, rain and hail outside it just asmr to my warm little sanctuary. 

I say sanctuary but I haven’t tidied up and I am refusing to tidy up :) I am just sat here watching a crime documentary and just :) nope. 

Anyway!! I’m going to cook up some noodles as it’s all the food I have left >.>
The world is changing so much, and feeling connection over the internet to things, places and people really is magical! I hope we can connect more.. if you like talking like this? 

I’m excited for the future, and I can’t wait to continue this adventure to part 2, so here is to you and to me <3 lots of love. 
Belle xx